How Do I Get Full Custody of My Child?
Is it possible to get full custody of my child?
In short, it is possible, but the custody laws that exist in the state of Oregon are designed in a way that intends to ensure a child has as much contact as possible with both parents, barring any safety concerns.
Even if the parents are no longer together, they are encouraged by state law to be active participants in their children’s lives, and to take responsibility for their well-being. Frequent, continuous contact and shared responsibility is the goal, assuming that this arrangement is in the best interest of the child.
These are just some of the elements that the court considers when making decisions about custody and parenting time.
Custody and parenting time are very different things
Here’s an important distinction that we need to make absolutely sure readers understand: custody and parenting time are not the same thing.
Custody refers to which parent (or parents) have the authority to make decisions about major things in a child’s life, like their education, healthcare, religion, where they live, and other important factors.
Parenting time is the description of how much time a child spends with each parent, and when they spend that time with each parent (formerly called visitation, and still called visitation in some states). Parenting time is the schedule that defines what the frequent and continuous contact with each parent looks like in practice.
The important differences between joint and sole custody
In Oregon, the two types of custody are sole and joint custody.
Joint custody is where the parents enter into a collaborative agreement — a legally binding one — where they must partner on making major decisions for the welfare of their child. Joint custody must be agreed upon by both parties. Judges can’t award joint custody in our state unless that agreement is already met.
And, to be clear, parents can enter into a joint custody agreement while not having a fifty-fifty split in terms of parenting time. You can have joint custody and a completely different type of parenting plan. Again, it centers on what is best for your child as determined by the court.
Sole custody
In an ideal scenario — where the court can reach an agreement on frequent, continuous contact and shared responsibility by both parents — then joint custody is typically the determination that is made for parents.
However, in instances where one or both parents oppose joint custody, or the parents can’t agree on which one of them has sole custody, then it is up to the court to decide which parent will be awarded sole custody of the child.
The judge will have to consider a number of factors when making a custody decision, including each parent’s ability to uphold their respective parenting responsibilities; emotional ties with the child; each parent’s interest in their child and attitudes they have about them, including the interest expressed about continuing a relationship; any preferences that the child has communicated; and any instances of abuse, either of one parent against the other or of the children.
The court will also consider more practical matters, like income, general conduct, lifestyle factors, only when these factors create risk — emotional or physical — to the child.
What the judge won’t do is award custody to a particular parent based on gender. One shouldn’t assume that mothers, for instance, will be given preference over fathers in these situations. That’s not how the court is designed to operate, and the law in Oregon explicitly prohibits awarding custody based on the gender of the parent.
When sole custody is finally awarded, then it is that parent who may make the major decisions in a child’s life while they are a minor.
Is it possible to get full custody without going to court?
Yes, it is possible to get full custody without going to court, but it’s going to require a great deal of maturity, negotiation, and patience on the behalf of both of you in order to achieve this.
Our recommendation for making this happen is by exploring the mediation process, or some alternative dispute resolution process that is designed to keep the conversation moving, open, collaborative, and intent on coming to an agreement that is best for your child, fair to you both as parents, and out of the court system.
Keeping things out of court doesn’t necessarily mean “easier,” especially given the level of patience and maturity you need in order to navigate this approach.
At DBMA, when we enter into the mediation process with a client, the key qualities we aim to uphold throughout the negotiation are that we are entering into a dispute resolution process that is voluntary, collaborative, controlled, confidential, informative, impartial, neutral, balanced, safe, self-responsible, and, hopefully, satisfying.
We believe that not every child custody case has to be a contentious affair. The reality is, in most cases, you’re tied to the other parent (from a legal perspective) until your child becomes an adult.
If it’s possible and if you’re willing to take a different approach to determining custody, the parenting plan, and other important factors in your child’s life, then you’re likely setting a more positive tone for what co-parenting in the long-term might look like.
So, can you get full custody of your child? Yes, you can. Can you do it without having to go to court? Yes, you can do that, too, but it’s not necessarily going to take less work, time, or money to do so, though it might ultimately be better for all parties involved if you’re able to do so.
Focus on what’s best for your child. Let that guide your thinking and your actions. Do your best to stay true to that ideal.
Are you in need of advice about child custody? DBMA can help! Our team of family law specialists has the experience you deserve in your child custody situation. Contact us today for your confidential consultation.