Navigating Child Custody During the Holidays
Planning For The Holidays With Joint Custody
One of the most difficult parts of any divorce is child custody. Especially around the holidays, you want to spend as much time with your children as possible, and so do the rest of your family and friends. Splitting time with your co-parent can feel like you are sacrificing holiday traditions and missing out on important memories. But, the holidays don't have to become a custody battleground.
Whether you and your kids imagine a holiday vacation on the beach or sitting around the table soaking up some family stories at home, there are important steps you and your partner can take to create a holiday schedule that doesn’t sacrifice the parts of the holiday season that you always look forward to or any of your new plans.
How Does My Parenting Time Change During the Holidays?
How much or how little the time with your child changes during the holidays depends on what works best for your family. Every family is different, so every arrangement will be too. The holidays you and your family celebrate, whether it is an odd or even year, and many other variables can play a role in determining when you have your children and for how long.
If there is a question about which parent a child should be with on a given holiday, it is best practice to refer to your parenting plan. More than likely, you and your family have already discussed this year's holiday schedule well in advance. However, sometimes life is unpredictable and new circumstances involving the child arise. If you and your co-parent can agree, you are free to depart from your court order and work together to come up with a new schedule that is better suited to the new situation.
When making any ongoing changes to a previously decided parenting plan, if it is legally binding, it is important to memorialize these changes with the court. Failing to do so can put the parent who has the children for the holiday at risk of legal consequences, even if both parents have agreed to the new terms.
Creating a Holiday Schedule: Rotating, Fixed, or Mixed?
The most common ways for divorced parents to split up their holiday time are either on a rotating schedule or a fixed schedule. In a rotating model (sometimes called an alternating schedule), children alternate which holidays are spent with each parent, giving one parent even years and one parent the odds. With a fixed schedule, holidays are designated to a parent each year. This method of planning can work well for parents who want to take their children on an extended holiday vacation, or if one parent really loves a specific holiday.
For parents who live near each other, it is sometimes in the best interest of the child to split a holiday into halves instead of designating it to only one parent. For example, a child may get to spend the morning and afternoon of Thanksgiving with one parent, then be picked up and spend the evening with the other. In situations like this, both partners have to be willing to work together and find a schedule for subsequent holidays that balances out these tradeoffs. Keep in mind that it can be disruptive to children to be uprooted in the middle of their holiday celebration so be mindful of what works best for your kids.
If partners can agree on a schedule that doesn't follow either of the common guidelines, you are free to follow the new one instead. Creating a mixed holiday schedule can be a fun way to make sure everyone gets what they want, assuming all agreements are fulfilled. When it comes to planning out the holiday schedule with your co-parent, being creative and flexible can go a long way in everyone having a good time.
In all the above options, the goal of a holiday schedule is to make the child’s holiday as smooth as possible and allow for a functional distribution of holiday time between parents. As always, the needs of the children should come first. Even if you are no longer together, you and your co-parent can be active participants in your child’s life no matter the time of year.
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If you are entering a child custody dispute or are in need of mediation services as we head into the winter holidays, DBMA can help! Our team of family law specialists is committed to helping you achieve productive resolutions related to parenting plans, custody disputes, and more. Give us a call today and find the peace of mind you deserve during this time!