The 5 Things You Should Know About Collaborative Divorce

Each party in a collaborative divorce must have an attorney

Unlike a traditional divorce, a collaborative divorce requires that each party have an attorney and further, the ideal is that the attorney be collaboratively trained. In this process, the attorneys play more of a supporting role to you than the other way around - so, you will do more talking directly to the other party and to the other attorney.  This feels and looks very different from your traditional divorce where the go to phrase is “you lawyer will hear from my lawyer”.  In this process, you and your spouse should be able to be in the room (or on zoom) with your attorneys so that you can have outcome-driven discussion supported and led by your attorney. 

Relationships that have huge power imbalances might not make it. We screen very heavily to make sure that the couples we work with are the right fit for a collaborative divorce. It’s a process that is very different from a standard divorce, not only in process but also in the level of verbal communication. 

We write group emails. We communicate directly with each other’s clients. In meetings, there’s a lot more engagement in the group. Divorce proceedings you see on television where lawyers go on the attack against each other’s clients? You shouldn’t do that here. There’s a lot more reaching across the table and listening to one another.  

Your collaborative divorce attorney CANNOT represent you if your divorce goes to litigation

This is by design. This is intended to protect all parties. The meetings that take place in a collaborative divorce are what we call “safe containers.” There is information shared here that wouldn’t typically be shared between parties, making them especially vulnerable if we were suddenly able to represent one party in the proceeding. 

When the collaborative process breaks down and has to go to litigation, we do our best to salvage any agreements that have been reached before transitioning our clients to traditional litigation counsel. 

A collaborative divorice is not the same as cooperative divorce

These terms are often (incorrectly) used interchangeably. Most family lawyers are cooperative and collaborative by nature. 

But a collaborative divorce refers to a very specific process.  One style or process isn’t necessarily better than the other, but what is important to be mindful of is what is best for you and how you untangle this relationship. 

Collaborative divorce utilizes a team based approach drawing on the expertise of various specialists

As is the case with a traditionally litigated divorce, the most predominant outside experts are Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA). CDFAs, who have special training to map out the relevant financials that must be assessed and untangled, are considered neutral parties who have become a part of the team. 

But to be clear, “team” in this case does not equate to a “fee sharing.” They’re just a part of the collaborative case and are brought into share in the division of labor. Yes, working in this manner can keep the cost of legal fees down (they typically work on a flat rate), they can provide financial models and recommendations, but both parties are responsible for the costs unless another agreement is reached. 

We will also commonly bring in child specialists or divorce coaches who typically have backgrounds in mental health. Their role on the team is to help all parties navigate the emotions, learn more about child development, communicate with their children on sensitive topics, and make better decisions for their kids. 

The work they do can really help parties come to these meetings more emotionally prepared, and therefore in a better position to make decisions. Every member of the team gets paid individually. It’s a team-based approach, but we’re not “team,” per se.

Collaborative divorce isn’t cheap, but it’s not necessarily expensive, either, and the process seeks to minimize other costs 

We wouldn’t call collaborative divorce the lowest cost option, but we’d hardly call it the most expensive, especially if you’re looking at the big picture. The lowest cost, of course, is to do it yourself. But that’s just the monetary cost of the situation. What about the emotional cost? 

One of the goals we have as representatives in collaborative divorce cases is to keep the anxieties and stressors down. We don’t just allow our clients in these sorts of cases to pass letters back and forth through the attorneys. We work together. There’s less of a chance of miscommunication. 

Also, in a collaborative divorce, the cost is slightly more predictable. Based on its structure, you have more control over this process. But it all depends on how many issues to resolve we end up facing together and how long it takes to work through them. We work together to find a pace that we all can agree on and we do our best to come to decisions swiftly and comfortably. 

The goal of every collaborative divorce is to create agreements that are durable. What do we mean by this? By durable, we mean that we’re working to achieve agreements that won’t end up back in court, like those regarding parenting plans, and spousal or child support.  Ultimately this saves you costs all around.  

Our hope as lawyers specializing in family law is to see an increase in Collaborative Divorce proceedings. In our estimation, collaboration is now what mediation used to be 20 or 30 years ago, which means it very well may become a standard. For those couples who can abide by this process, it creates outcomes that are equitable and durable.

If you would like to learn more about the collaborative process, contact DBMA today for your confidential consultation.