How To Prepare for Divorce Mediation In Multnomah County
What is divorce mediation?
When it comes to divorce (and many other family law cases), there is an opportunity for both parties to come to certain terms before the case goes to trial or even before the case is even filed.
In some instances, the divorce can be resolved entirely in the mediation process, keeping the case out of court altogether.
Mediation creates a space where the parents can maintain a certain level of authority over the eventual outcome of the case that they wouldn’t otherwise have when it goes to trial.
Why divorce mediation?
At DBMA Family Law, we believe that there is great benefit to mediation, largely due to the fact that it is less polarizing for parties and creates a place for them to create the best, most equitable outcome for their family with the help of a professional mediator who approaches the conflicts from a neutral and objective perspective. This helps to minimize conflict and help parties to problem solve in a less emotional and more thoughtful, rational manner
A mediator’s role is to guide communication strategies, propose solutions, and help both parties negotiate. Our firm believes that there are key qualities each party must commit to in order to get the most out of mediation. One is to enter mediation with an open mind and to think about their general interests, big picture goals and hopes and less about their positions. That creates a larger playing field and space in which parties can reach mutually acceptable agreements.
What should divorce mediation look and feel like?
A successful mediation should be voluntary, collaborative, controlled, confidential, informed, impartial, and satisfying.
Voluntary — If you feel that the negotiations are breaking down or do not believe they are being done in good faith, then you have the right to walk away at any time
Collaborative — In an ideal scenario, both parties should be seeking outcomes that are equitable, which requires an open mindedness to teamwork. To be collaborative means to share ideas and information and to listen to the other party and consider their perspective and ideas.
Controlled — Yes, you’re in a divorce mediation, but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost agency. In fact, you both have complete decision making and veto power. The mediator does not make decisions for you.
Confidential — Mediation communications are confidential under Oregon law with very minor exceptions for abuse reporting. Mediation often necessitates getting extremely real and even vulnerable with one another, but your conversations, negotiations, and documentations are all confidential to encourage the flow of information and ideas.
Informed — Making uninformed decisions is unwise. You can ask for documentation and information and employ financial experts, parenting experts, and others who may be able to provide information on the issues at hand. If you need to consult with an attorney during your mediation, you should.
Impartial —Your mediator should not favor either party or provide legal advice to either party during the mediation.
Satisfaction — Unlike those cases where everything is determined in court, mediation-influenced or -based cases are hopefully those that result in not only satisfaction, but also compliance to the outcomes you’ve agreed to.
How can I prepare for divorce mediation?
The most successful divorce mediations are those where both parties are prepared. But what does preparation look like?
Here are some important things we would encourage you to consider and make ready as you enter into divorce mediation.
An open mind — Yes, you’re divorcing, but your ability to have an open mind in regard to the process also might mean that you will be more open minded to the terms of the negotiations. Additionally, this process will in some ways determine how you and your soon-to-be ex might interact post-divorce, should that be a necessity. Think about how you’d like that to look and act accordingly.
A sound mind — Given the stress of the divorce process, as well as the stress that may have led to divorce, in combination with any other issues you may be grappling with, do you feel mentally and emotionally prepared to enter into divorce mediation? This is not a question that can be answered for you, so consider where you’re at before agreeing to and participating in mediation.
Relevant documents — This might include any relevant court documents that the mediator has advised you to have prepared, but it also includes financial records, lists of assets, and overview of outstanding debts, property you own
Sensitive topics — Discussions around divorce can include a wide range of potentially sensitive subjects, including child custody and support, spousal support, infidelity, property division, and more. Though the goal of mediation is to keep the conversations productive and the negotiations equitable, big emotions can still creep into the process.
The future — Especially in those cases where there are children, considering what you want the future of your relationship to look, particularly like in terms of communication and how you conduct yourselves in front of your children, should be considered as you enter the mediation process.
Mediation is a great way to make certain decisions out of the court system, but it doesn’t work for everyone, and that’s okay. Remember, if you and your spouse are unable to come to an agreement, either as a whole or can only agree on certain terms of the divorce, then you still have the option to make those determinations in court.
If you are a Multnomah or surrounding County resident and would like to learn more about divorce mediation, please contact DBMA Family Law today for your confidential consultation.