Mediation Tips for Child Custody Negotiations

Understand what mediation is before you begin negotiating.

You’ve probably heard the term “mediation” before, but do you know what it is or how it works? DBMA Family Law is here to help! Mediation is designed to create a supportive environment for the parties in a dispute, including family law disputes like child custody and parenting time negotiations, to come to an agreement.  Most, if not all counties in Oregon require that parties attend mediation prior to litigating their custody and parenting time disputes, for good reason.

Coming to terms that are best for your children. When parties communicate about their disagreements they are more likely to come to an agreement that keeps them out of court, which can be very stressful and expensive.  Keeping you out of court is always the goal when it comes to custody and parenting time disputes and it’s what the court wants.  Due to the often heightened emotions of divorce and child custody disputes, this can be difficult, which is why mediation can be an effective process in achieving this goal. 

The mediation process is led and facilitated by a mediator. The mediator is a neutral participant, meaning that they don’t represent you or the other party in your dispute. A mediator often will have a professional background in law (and some of the attorneys at DBMA offer mediation services) or they might have a background in providing professional mental health services or social work.   

The mediator focuses on problem solving, helping you and the other party understand one another’s perspective with the goal of you and the other party finding an equitable resolution to your disputes, which in the context of custody and parenting time dispute, is an outcome that is in your children’s best interest.

Tip: Embrace the mediation process. Come into it with an open mind, and do your best to maintain a “What’s best for my child?” perspective during negotiations. 

Be aware that there are different types of mediators.

Before hiring a mediator, make sure that they specialize in the type of dispute that you’re trying to resolve. For instance, many mediators that come from social work or mental health backgrounds may not specialize in resolving financial-related disputes. 

At DBMA, we specialize in providing mediation services as they relate to divorce, child custody and child support, spousal support, and the modification of established agreements. 

Remember, it’s the mediator’s responsibility to remain neutral throughout the mediation process. Should you and your partner find yourselves unable to resolve the dispute through mediation, you will still have the right to take your dispute to court.

All information documented in the mediation will remain confidential and cannot be disclosed at your court hearing. Similarly, if your mediator is an attorney, that attorney cannot represent either party in court. 

Tip: Choose your mediator wisely by ensuring that their professional expertise aligns with the type of dispute you’re trying to resolve. 

Not married? You still have the right to use mediation to resolve your child custody dispute.

If you co-parent minor children with a partner but aren’t married, you are entitled to mediation to assist in resolving your dispute. 

As is the case with married couples going through divorce, you may mediate with or without the support of individual attorneys.

In our experience at DBMA, the most successful mediations are those that are conducted on the basis of informed consent, where the intent is for the parties to make a decision and come to an agreement once all pertinent information is disclosed and assessed. 

Tip: Regardless of your relationship status, an informed consent-based mindset can help you keep your negotiations focused creating the best possible outcome for your child. 

Be prepared for your mediation sessions and use real-life examples.

Though the exact proposed outcomes may not be precisely what you hope or anticipate they will be, thoroughly preparing for mediation discussions will help the mediator better understand how they can support your child when they make recommendations.

For example, if you have ideas of what an equitable parenting time schedule might look like, creating a mock-up of a weekly or monthly schedule can help spur discussion. Include work schedules, school schedules, and activities and other factors that will affect parenting time. Bring enough copies for everyone to review together. 

If you and your partner are separated or you are currently co-parenting across multiple households, track that time and incorporate real-life examples into your proposed schedule. 

Be prepared to discuss other scenarios outside of the one you’ve brought to the table. Your co-parent may also bring a proposal to the table regarding parenting time, child support, or other factors being considered. 

You and your co-parent may not see eye to eye on what’s being proposed, but mediation is an opportunity for everyone to share their ideas. The mediator will facilitate the discussion in order to keep the conversation moving toward agreement.

Tip: Prepare for your mediation session with information and examples pertaining to the negotiation taking place, but remember that you will likely be met with counter proposals throughout the mediation process. 

Stay organized and stay focused on the best interests of your children.

Depending on your situation, you may need to go through several mediation sessions before coming to a resolution. Through mediation, you’ll be asked to supply a great deal of information in order for you and your co-parent to come to a resolution. 

The more information you can provide, the better. The more context the mediator has as you go through this process, the better. The more organized you can be, the more easily they’ll be able to understand you, your life, and your objectives. And it doesn’t hurt that your organization, preparation, and ability to focus on what’s best for your children vs. what’s best for you will cast you in a positive light throughout your mediation. 

Are you entering a child custody dispute? Are you in need of mediation services or in need of an attorney to assist you as you enter the mediation process? DBMA can help! Our team of family law specialists is committed to helping you achieve productive resolutions.
Contact us today for your confidential consultation.